This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
