Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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