So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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