just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
