but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
