Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I deserve this hangover.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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