my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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