STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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