Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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