that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
where am i from again
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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