dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
