I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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