I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize