If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
