3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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