apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize