Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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