I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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