i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I believe in your delicious
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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