ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize