I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
