I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize