Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Couch. On fire.
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