My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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