Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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