Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My butt remains clenched, sir.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
