apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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