and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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