You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
