pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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