Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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