I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
well you can't waste a boner
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
