if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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