I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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