I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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