the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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