i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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