My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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