fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
