You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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