this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
