how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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