i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Sober January is a disaster.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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