So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
