Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
