Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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