So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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