What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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