I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
