I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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