you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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