dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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