Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
