I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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