I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
