I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Randomize
