no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
