i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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