I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
