woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
