The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize