Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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