This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize