My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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