I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
