every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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