I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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