So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
