had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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