I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
