well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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