if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
