Have you finally orgasmed yet?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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