I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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