So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
