her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize