If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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