So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
