I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
