My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
