actually, I'm a sock model
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Randomize
