I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
