i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
