I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
