We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
