I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
