how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
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