we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
