mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
