He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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