Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
