the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
