Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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