Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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