I think I am morally bankrupt
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
