i don't plan on having that self control this summer
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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