well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
