omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
