Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
even my farts smell like vagina
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
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