Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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