I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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