I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
