forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
