he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
