Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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