Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
