I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
