Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize