Dude my mom stole all your condoms
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize
