Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
