what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
