did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
