Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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